8 things I love about aging

Written by a 38 year OLD WOMAN

I’m young. 38 is young. Actually, anything before dead is young. Let’s start there.

Yesterday I played a role in a short film where I was the mother of a teenage girl. I loved everyone involved, I had a great time shooting, I’m thrilled for its release, and I also realized that I’ve been auditioning for “mother” roles the entire time I’ve been in entertainment. I’m a 38-year old gal, so that role feels more on brand right now, but at 26 it felt like a stretch. This is not new - Hollywood is teeming with examples of women playing mothers to men who are, in reality, 1-5 years their junior, but it has always felt strange to watch women in their 20s and 30’s morph into matronly characters while their male counterparts sit firmly as their “son” until they’ve turned fully grey, at which point they are not old, but debonair.

*Cue Carrie Bradshaw voiceover*

As I walked home, my ancient and parched vaginal lips acting as two slabs of kindling, I couldn’t help but wonder - if aging is inevitable, why are women told to hide at a certain point but men are celebrated?

• An article came to mind about the great Meryl Streep, who was offered three different “witch roles” the year she turned 40:

  "Our culture is pretty youth-obsessed, especially people that pass 40. I was not offered any female adventurers, or love interests, or heroes or demons. I was offered witches because I was ‘old’ at 40.” -Meryl Streep

• I rewatched Amy Schumer’s “Last Fuckable Day” (a perfect 5 minutes of comedy)

• I thought about my voiceover auditions, which now request “35-50 year old female with gravitas and wisdom” as opposed to what they used to be: “18-25 year old wittle baby girl who doesn’t know any better”

It really all comes down to this: aging men are seasoned and aspirational. Aging women are cautionary tales. Here’s a few more, because why not?:

• Aging men are a fine wine. Aging women are the grapes-turned-raisins in your fridge that you forgot about because you bought younger, newer, tighter grapes.

• Aging men are the buttery leather on your favorite briefcase. Aging women are fruit leather - dried up but somehow also sticky?

• Aging men are Damascus, Athens and Rome - ancient cities that stand noble and strong. Aging women are Las Vegas - heinous in the daylight and an experience that should be kept a secret every time you drop in.

I could go on! But I won’t, because I think it’s all a load of horseshit. I have an abnormal view of aging as a woman, due to my getting cancer three times before the age of 35, and being forced to sit with my mortality each round. Granted, it was thyroid cancer - “the easy one” - but after you hear your doctor say the “C” word for the third time, you really start to dig into this whole “fragility of life” thing (and wonder if you should still be seeing a doctor that calls you a c*nt).

I look at aging as an irrefutable trajectory to be embraced and celebrated. I’m not one of those “look at every day like it’s a gift” people, because every day in modern society feels more like the tea towels you’re gifted at Christmas that read “Corks are for quitters” or “I like big bundts and I cannot lie” - something you should be grateful for but if it all went up in flames you’d be okay. That being said, I do think every day you get older is a privilege, and should be treated as such. So here are 8 things I love about aging, and hope you do too:

1. I finally love myself. A wild statement to make that took me about 30 years to figure out, and something that a lot of childhood trauma survivors struggle with. I remember being in a constant state of self loathing for my teens and 20’s and asking myself “will it always be like this?”. If you’re there too, give yourself time to get from self-hatred to neutrality first, then hop on up to self love.

2. Learning how to sit in my body. The aforementioned self-loathing caused a lot of dissociation and self medication through alcohol and overconsumption. I turned off all the “I’m full” or “I’ve had enough to drink” signals when I went out. Learning how to listen to body cues again is a life saver, but takes time.

3. Because of #’s 1 and 2, I look better every year. Not just physically. Rock solid emotional and mental health just make you glow. It’s scientific fact and the image I made below proves it. For real, self love makes you magnetic, and also makes your rack extra perky and your ass extra firm and I’m all about the science on this one.

   

4. I have learned how to surround myself with only the highest vibration people - my friends are positive, supportive and regulated, and there is little to no drama in my relationships. I know the red flags and warning signs of negative people/energy vampires and know how to respectfully disengage from relationships with them.

5. I finally have the money for a full on support squad - a therapist, a trainer, a career coach, an acupuncturist, a piano teacher - I'm doing enrichment activities every week like I’m a goddamn Victorian princess.

6. I’m becoming comfortable with imperfect execution over perfect daydreaming. Taking small, consistent (and mostly cringey) action steps towards what I want my life to look like has removed some of the judgement cloud that used to hang over my days because “I’m not where I want to be”

7. I’m able to shit my pants, laugh about it, then talk about it on stage without fear of “looking gross”. Yes, its disgusting. It’s also hilarious AND A UNIVERSAL EXPERIENCE.

8. I know my patterns and how I weather my storms. Whether I’m waiting for medical results or didn’t get a career opportunity, I know where I go when I’m stressed, how to lift myself out of ruts, and that sometimes I just have to sit in the dip and not force myself out of it. Periods of discomfort are necessary for growth, and are meant to be moved through. If they were comfortable, you’d stay, so take note of what you can learn from your bad days.

So embrace the grey hairs and wrinkles and moments when you thought it was a fart but it was definitely shit. They all mean knowledge and experience and growth. Trust me.

xoxo

Alex